Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize