I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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