how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
