i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
