It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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