im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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