This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
