So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
