So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
