I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
