Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
