Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
