A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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