It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
