Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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