just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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