Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
