I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
