Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
