even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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