mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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