hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
