sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
