sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
