I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
