My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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