Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
