can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
