tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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