so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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