her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They took my balls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
