Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
