Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
