I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
