he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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