I'm really into asian looking animals
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
