I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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