My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
