Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
then he tried to convert me to islam
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
