I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
