it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
