Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
