Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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