You smell like stripper and shame
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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