its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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