Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
