my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
