but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
