if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
