just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
