taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
