I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
