I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
