Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
