Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
