i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My balls are so social today.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize