Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
