It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
