What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
