im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
