The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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