In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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