I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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