It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize