Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
