I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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