I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
