It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
