She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
