my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
