is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
