I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
