I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
