I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
