If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize