my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
