why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
