Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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