Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
