I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
