I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
