escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
