she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
