8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
