i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
