he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is the high leading the old right now
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
