If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
