Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
