Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
